So, I haven't blogged in a while. The reason mostly being that I've been busy. So here's a short post on how I've been. This may possibly be really long if I get talkative.
Since my last post, I've been doing much better. I've been happier and more positive about life. Things have really been going well. Sure, life is NO WHERE near perfect, but its better.
My mood kinda dropped to the floor when I got my ACT scores in, though. I kinda had a bit of a meltdown that day. Anyone who listens to me should know that the score I got on my last ACT would pretty much determine what I was gonna do for college. So, when I got them in and was extremely disappointed in myself, I tried to make my mood better by doing research on colleges and scholarships. Yeah, that didn't help at all. Basically, with the score I have now, I can't go to any good college without taking out a LOT of money in school loans. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I am going to take the ACT again the end of October. I could take it 3 more times after that, but I honestly don't know if I could do any better. The last time I took it, I really thought I did good. I was very confident that I gave it all I had and did my best. But my best wasn't good enough. How can I do any better than my best?
With that college drama, my mood is seriously like a roller coaster. I can be living life and as happy as can be, and then one second later remember that I have no idea what to do with my life and I'll be depressed the rest if the day.
Here's another thing that makes me depressed a LOT that I don't think I've shared yet. If I do go to college, I want to study to be a guidance counselor. Well, every time I get depressed about something, I think of that and wonder why I think I could ever help other people with life's problems if I can't even handle my own. That would kinda be like a hairdresser who can never get her own hair to look good. Would you let them do your hair? Why would anyone let me counsel them if my life is more than I can handle? It's not even like my life is as messed up as most people. I just can't handle much.
I know it probably sounds like I'm a brat who has no idea what it means to have a hard life. Maybe I have had a pretty easy life, but I know that. I know most people have things 1,000 times more important do deal with. But, it really helps me to write this stuff out. And things really have been better than my last post.
Hopefully next time I can write about something other than depression...I'm probably starting to sound like a broken record.
Oh, and I'm not going to bother reading through this to check for spelling and grammar errors. I'm sorry if there are any and they bother you.
Have a great day, and keep smiling, even if its fake. :)
