What am I good at?

I really need to write. Let it all out.

The question is; What am I good at?

Obviously I'm no good at sports. Hand-eye coordination just isn't there for me. I like music and piano, but I'm not very good at it. I'm too shy to do any kind of drama or performing, including dancing, which I love. I'm not artistic at all. I'm really smart, (or so I've been told) but I'm horrible at school. I can't seem to keep friends for any period of time, and it takes me forever to make friends in the first place. I don't trust people, including myself. I let fear control way too much of me. I babysit and dogsit all the time, but every time I do, something goes wrong and I beat myself up about it for weeks. I've started a hundred different projects, but I don't finish anything.

I'm sure I could go on forever, but I'll stop there. At this point, my answer is nothing. I'm good at nothing. I'm not even good at being me.

Trust? What is that?

Right now I'm at Walmart getting an oil change and a tire fixed. I'm bored. So here's a blog post I've had on my mind for a few days.

Lets start with a definition.
Trust-to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something

Fact: I don't fully trust anyone. There are a few people that I trust a little bit, but the person I trust most in the would barely knows anything about me.

I don't trust people with my thoughts, feelings, or anything personal in general. I could trust someone to drive my car or use my phone, but anything involving emotion or words stays inside.

I don't know why I have such a trust issue. I don't know if not trusting anyone is an issue, but it seems like it should be. I feel like life would be easier to live if I had someone I could trust.

I'm so bad at this that I don't even know where to start to get to the point of trusting someone. I don't open up easily. I don't cry in front of people. It's like I'm pretending to be so strong and put together. I act like everything is perfect. And I hate it.

I don't want to be that person that is scared of showing feelings, but I am. I don't want to be someone who acts strong, but I do. I don't want to keep my thoughts hidden, but they are.

I want to change, but I can't. I don't know how. I don't know where to start. I don't know who to talk to.

I trust no one.